Sweet Nothing
by Janellere
Summary: She's been in love with him for over a year now - and although they talked quite often at school, she haven't figured out how to tell it to him yet. Modern!AU Jackunzel, Dance class AU implied often.
1. Smile for me

No matter how much Jack irritates me, he always remembers to fix it. I don't know if he does it on purpose, but he does.

Yesterday it was his and Hiccup's idiotic remarks and me trying to deal with it with grace. Actually, Jack started it, because when he sees my small drawings I finish on breaks sometimes, he compliments them, but then he saw me doodling. My doodling usually contains people and my doodles of people are only too much lines and wierd-shaped things instead of hands, feet, head and torso. He said something about too much lines around and asked why he has a cross on his face. Hiccup didn't say anything, but sitting there simply included him.

I couldn't tell him it's because it's him and I just don't want others to know so I make the sketch that messy. So I tried to explain the cross thing.

Jack made some stupid remarks and it was slowly driving me mad, but I was always serene person, so I smiled tauntingly and said: "Well, then try it yourself!"

He teased about me trying not to smile and trying to hide it by turning away from them when I wanted to say something to Merida, and although I would hit him with frying pan if I could, I wasn't able to stop the smile from making its way onto my lips and I was pretty sure I blushed.

I was never really sure if we're friends or not. He was always "the friend of my best friend's friend". After one year of knowing Jack, I found out he was a bit egoistic or arrogant sometimes, but I also saw he can be a great friend, kind and supporting. He just loved to make jokes and sometimes it went out of his control. Ignoring the fact I never felt completely comfortable around him, I had strange mood yesterday and it just irritated me.

. . .

Today, there was some extra lesson of Music for all of the class. Teacher told us we can play whatever we want on Youtube, so there was some really awful music annoying me and then there was my red-headed friend who did nothing but complain, because she didn't like the music, either. And I had to listen to all of it.

_COMPLAAAIIIIN!_

I tried to ignore both music and my pissed off friend and draw, but it was quite hard. Hiccup talked with her and when I wanted to know what did he tell her – because he looked at me while talking - she refused to tell me. _COMPLAIN_ was all I heard from her that lesson and I was really annoyed.

So when she talked to her auburn-haired friend again, I didn't even bother to find out what they were talking about, I just looked at her. And right next to her I saw Jack grinning at me like: _Come on, smile for me_. And I smiled, because it was hard not to smile at his grin, and moreover, I just earned my personal smile from him.

But apparently he wasn't satisfied, because he sat just like the redhead with imitation of her serious look and I bursted in laugh. _Jerk._

No matter how much he irritates me, he always remembers to fix it.


	2. Ordinary day, ordinary talks

The beginning of the second grade of high school brought many new things and many comfortably familiar things. I just hoped all those changes will be for the better.

Today was the first Geography of this school year and I couldn't be happier. Maybe I was a bit nervous, too, but I knew my nervousness will last no longer than till the lesson starts. We just had to sit the same way we did the last year.

I ran to the lockers, got my Geography notepad and slowly hurried back. Hurried because I was eager to know if we sit the same way and slowly to avoid deciding where to sit if we don't. Of course, it wouldn't be such a big deal, but unlike other subjects, on Geography I shared my desk with Jack.

Same classroom, same teacher, same seating plan. It sounded logically.

. . .

I took my chair down and tried to look absolutely normal and fine, not like I am the happiest person in the world. But it still didn't impede me to act like usually. I smiled at Jack and said: "Hi."

"Hi," he smiled back.

We sat down next to each other and he asked: "Have you studied for Spanish?"

We had some vocabulary to revise and I knew that if teacher chooses me to be examined, I will be in a lot of trouble, because I did milion other things like painting, baking cupcakes, helping with housework or revising Maths, but I totally forgot about Spanish.

"Eh… no."

"Then no one has! No one studied Spanish! Ooooh yeah." He was so happy it surprised me. And I realized everyone is in the same trouble as me.

"How was your French?" I asked in return and he shrugged.

"Same as usual. Boring."

He didn't seem to have something interesting to say, so I started to tell him my tragical story about my French and how I survived with grace. "We had to talk about one place we visited on holidays. In french, of course, and for five minutes – " he made that _ouch! _expression, "and without breaks." He gave me a terrified look, only to change it into a grin. He was never much into studying.

"And you were somewhere on holidays?"

I smiled, because once again we started our favourite topic – travelling. On Geography. How apt.

"Yes, I was in Bulgary."

"Is it good there?" he wanted to know.

"Well, if you want to lay on the beach all day! But I'd like to go somewhere higher if I could." (Because of the beautiful northern nature, but he already knew that. We really talked a lot about travelling last year.)

"Somewhere higher you say? Norway? Iceland? Or Arctica? Because you can't go any higher," he chuckled.

"Maybe Arctica is too much," I chuckled too. "What about your holidays?"

"I was in Vienna with my parents and – you should've seen us! I was playing with my sister on the garden and I threw the ball over the hedge to the neighbour's and then I had to get it back and so I put a paddle and a cue together - a cue! - and then there was that damned dog and…"

He definitely speaks too fast when he gets excited.

Jack was born prankster and troublemaker, but I was determined to make him laugh, too. But storytelling is quite hard when you have to laugh and talk simultaneously.

"At the time I was alone at home on holidays, I was incredibly clumsy. I broke like half of our appliances. No really – when I wanted to bake cookies, pushed too hard on the blender, and so we don't possess a blender anymore." I tuned in my voice like it was tragical romance story and it really worked. He barely breathed and was almost crying. "Oh and then, there was an unique hoover – not so unique now."

Between laughing and gasping for a breath, I almost heard something like: "Stop – it."

I really didn't know what was so funny about it, but I definitely wasn't going to realease him so soon. "I somehow dropped the bowl with dough, and so we almost had glass-flavoured cookies."

When he caught breath and was able to speak (but even then he was still laughing), he said: "Ooohh, women – never leave them alone in the kitchen."

"Hey!" I poked him with elbow and we started to laugh again.

"Are you having fun?!" a sharp voice asked, and we went totally serious. Neither of us realized the lesson started – until now. We both opened our notepads, but before starting to make notes, I wasn't able to resist sharing a smile with Jack.

He frowned like _only a smile? _and then he gave me a perfect stupid smirk.

* * *

**_This is how my Monday usually looks like. I hope you enjoyed it :) Sorry it took me so long to post it. And sorry about mistakes._**

**_Do you want me to add some story from the beginning of high school? Something like "Getting to know you better" story? Or "The first day" story? Or both?_**


	3. Looking for memories (Past)

**Hey guys! I'm back with new chapter! In this one, Rapunzel looks back to the beginning of her first year at the grammar school, when she didn't know Jack, but she was soon going to meet him for the first time.**

**Well, I think I said a lot. Enjoy and let me know what you think about it :)**

* * *

_One year__,__ one__ month and few days ago_

_31st August, Sunday evening_

I just came back from tea shop, where I was with Merida in order to ‚relax' a bit, but it was no good. Mer never worries about anything – I, on the other hand, was really nervous. I tried singing at the top of my lungs, because that usually helped, but my thoughts slipped away and I was thinking about my new school again, not realizing I was still singing the same song over and over.

I didn't want to go to high school. I was perfectly fine with my old one.

I was nervous, but curious at the same time. This was my chance for new start. My chance to be more… myself. There was a new school, new subjects, new classmates, new high-school life, all awaiting for me to explore it. Maybe I was overthinking, but my last thought before falling asleep persuaded me – I was looking forward to my new school.

* * *

_1st September, Monday morning_

I ran out of my home. _Why are artists always late? I was punctual last years, so what has changed?_

I came just in time. I barely went through the main doors and Merida appeared, raging. "Rapunzel Corona! Where the hell were you?! We're going to have the worst seats possible now!"

"I'm sorry."

"Well, sorry can't get us better desk!"

"Mer, calm down. Before arguing about seats, we should find our classroom."

I took us a while to find classroom 18, this school seemed to be more of a museum than an ordinary school. It had three buildings, which were connected with a bridge over the street, incredible amount of stairs and showcases. Showcases everywhere. They were filled with leaves, cones, stones, stuffed animals, skeletons, spiders, snakes in pickle, posters, maps or models of space rockets. One doesn't need a lot to get lost or scared there.

Our classteacher was maybe even stranger than the school itself. Right after he welcomed us at the grammar school, he started to tell us that we have horrible timetable, the worst combination of teachers possible, how we're going to have bad marks and that it'll be really hard, that not everyone is going to stay there.

He wished us good luck and let us go, because the lesson was over. I sighed with relief, smiled at Merida and we went to the doors. Everyone seemed to want to leave the school as fast as possible.

I saw a flash of red as my new classmates hurried out of the classroom in front of me. I realized I didn't even take a good look at them, but I guess I was too occupied with everything else. And I was going to get a perfect occasion to study them for three days, because we were going on a get-to-know-you camp.

* * *

_A few hours later_

"…You will be separated to groups of four to accomodation. Did I forgot something? Oh! Yes. Dinner is at 7 o'clock…"

I wasn't really interested in listening to the teacher's speech and I was also quite curious who was there with me. _Why not look around a bit? _There was Merida standing on the opposite side of the gathering, her arms around her waist as she tried to keep herself warm, her hair less crazy than usually because of the rain. Then, a lot people I haven't ever seen, then some I knew from before. An auburn haired boy, probably the friend Mer told me about earlier. A gap. Teachers. Another people in soggy clothes.

Then my heart skipped a beat.

My eyes fell on the strangest, yet the most beautiful face I've ever seen. He was around my age, but his clear features made him look a lot younger. His black jacket and dark blue hoodie contrasted with very, very pale skin and almost white hair, his lips looked like he's always cold and even from this distance I could see his eyes were as icy as winter itself. He had his hands in pockets and leaned his height onto left leg in very casual pose. There was that „something" in him that was… different. _He doesn't even look like an ordinary human being and you're telling me he's my classmate? _I thought.

He was too busy listening to the welcome speech to notice me and a part of me was telling me he'll be too cocky to notice me some other time. He looked like a textbook snooty, self-important and always right teenage boy. I sighed on the inside.

I knew it wasn't true, but I was too stubborn to admit it. I didn't want to like him. It was stupid and strange, but looking back I realize it was probably because there was always someone to prove to me love isn't worth it. That dating someone isn't for me. My rational self tried to persuade me he will be all what I've just written, but there was also my other self, who realized I was going to like him no matter what, and that self told me he was intelligent, kind and even joker.

And that was the time I started a little bit of fight with myself. One part of myself told me: _He's stupid. He's arrogant. He's not for you. He doesn't even notices you. Don't like him._

And the other told me: _He's smart. He's kind. He's beautiful. He's fun to be with. You'll see. Love him._

Those selves were arguing over and over and I didn't know what to do. My feelings were mess.


	4. Empty desks (Past)

**I'm so mad at myself for letting you wait so long. So, so mad. But I was correcting it again and again and even now I'm not absolutely satisfied with it. Gosh my english is bad.**

**Something from past again, first classes of high school to be accurate. As you probably figured out (or I wrote you), it is based on my diary (and that's my only excuse for lack of action)**

**If you have anything on mind, really anything, tell me. I'd love to hear your ideas, questions and praising as well as criticism.**

* * *

I thought I'm the last person to have stubborness issues. But the second Monday of my first year at high school proved me wrong. Or maybe I am the last person to have stubborness issues, but not when it comes to Jack. I still tried to persuade myself I was not going to like him. My selves were still in the middle of war, and although I had to laugh occasionaly at their quotes, it was quite annoying, listening to their senseless arguments and stupid reasons.

I got sick at the get-to-know-you camp, so I spent my first weekend in bed, healing myself with honey and hazelnut soup. I didn't have list of stationery and notepads back then, so when I went to stationery on Sunday, all I bought was a new sketchpad and some pencils. I felt totally unprepared for first classes, but as long as I had a sketchpad, it didn't seem so bad.

. . .

I walked through the small door into the school basement, which is used only by students, and went to my locker. I frowned on the narrow door of the locker as soon as I opened it.

_It needs a little bit of decorating_, I thought, _but that will have to wait some time. I have other things to worry about now when I'm here._

I hurried up. _The first lesson is Geography, classroom 12. But where is it? This building is a museum._

_The ground floor. Classroom 5._

"Hey, Punz!" I heard, turned around and saw the redhead almost running to me.

"Hi, Mer. How was your weekend?"

She grabbed the toggle of my bag and pulled me upstairs. "Hurry! We have to get the best desk!"

"What is it about you and desks? You have some good-seat obsession or what? I highly doubt there will be some good situated desk anyway. We're quite late."

"Nonsense. You have to trust my persuasive skills." She rolled up her sleeves and we finally managed to find the classroom 12.

_Uh oh._ "Don't hit anyone, Mer. Not the first day of school." I saw her breathing in, prepared to have some remark, so I added quickly: "Officially the first day."

She just smiled, tilted her head to the side and started to look for some vacant desk. Her eyes stopped on the desk right in front of the blackboard. It wasn't exactly what she would choose if she had the chance, but she had not the chance, so it didn't matter.

"There!" she pointed and hurried to the blackboard, followed by me on the opposite side of the desks.

The moment before Merida put her bag onto the desk as a sign that it's hers, and two moments before I came there, two of our classmates outran us. I looked around for some unoccupied seat disappointedly and I think Mer started to argue, but for me, all sounds suddenly became only whispering and time went slowlier than ever, because the only one I found was next to Jack.

I didn't have time to scream in happiness internally, to look for another seat unavailingly, to think about where Merida was going to sit or why he was sitting alone. It was like some ghost was walking with my legs to him when I was too absent-minded to do so myself.

I don't remember details, everything seems in blur now and it wasn't different back then, but I know myself enough to think I asked him: "Can I sit here?"

And what else could he answer than "Yes." ?

That was our only conversation for more than two months. It took us a long time to start greeting each other and it took me even longer time to get rid of that uneasy feeling when I nearly controlled my breath while sitting next to him. Ok, maybe it wasn't such a long time before we started to greet, more like month or month and one week, but considering we saw each other everyday, it was like eternity.

Every Monday offered a perfect shock. After weekend, which made me think I'm over it, the first lesson was Geography, which proved me otherwise. It took me one glance at him to know I'm not over it and I was usually that lucky to see his face as the first thing after entering the classroom. And the cycle began once again.

. . .

Our first real conversation was at the end of November, if I don't count that one when he asked me if I have homework for Spanish and I replied yes.

On one November Sunday, when I was fed up with revising Geography, I opened the notebook in the middle and started to draw. It was a young girl with long wavy hair, hanging on a rope over large globe, painting on it with a thin brush. She wore a loose dress and a quiver around her waist filled with another brushes. She was painting somewhere around Antarctica, but the most visible part of the globe in the picture was Alaska. I didn't want to switch on the laptop, so I drew Alaska how I remembered it. Maybe it wasn't perfect and extra accurate, but it was fine and I was quite satisfied with the picture.

_If the teacher examines me, I can show him this picture to get better mark, _I smiled. It still needed some shading, but I decided to do it the following day. I switched off the light and went to bed.

In the morning, I caught the earlier bus, beacause I wanted to finish my drawing as soon as possible, and so I arrived to school half an hour before usual time. I sat myself down and drew, ignoring the ticking of clocks.

"Hi," Jack said and plonked himself down on the chair carelessly.

"Hi," I replied and started to sketch again. _Come on, ask me about the picture, please._

"That's nice."

_Thank you. "_Thanks." I smiled and shifted the notebook to give him a better look. He looked at it for a while, then frowned a bit and asked: "This is Alaska, isn't it?"

"Yes, it is."

He glanced quickly at the map of the world, that was hanging on the wall over him. "Nice," he said again, "but what about these islands?" he criticised and pointed at the bay near Alaska.

"I know, I changed them a little. Maybe it's because I drew it by heart, so the map isn't that accurate."

"You drew it by heart?" He stared at me for a while, then at the picture, then back at me.

I think I blushed a little bit. "Yeah."

"Wow."

_Wow, _I thought too. _I should __unintentionally __show him my drawings more often._


	5. One year later and still the same

**I know I haven't updated in more than a year, but it wasn****'****t until I got a lovely review again after a long time on this that I realized I was in fact writing a sequel. Or something that can be considered a sequel. It describes events one year later, and there are certainly a few things you should know that changed since then.**

**The same year as the first two chapters, Rapunzel attended dance lessons with Jack, which went on for six months. Nothing significant happened, only those cutesy stuff like hand holding and dancing and those meaningful looks into each other****'****s eyes and tripping and neverending ****'****sorry****' ****and laughing and getting to know each other better. You will find out about any important details in the following chapters (the dance lessons will be heavily disscussed, yes).**

**Actually, this is probably all you need to know for now. I won****'****t keep you from reading anymore. Enjoy!**

* * *

_Wednesday, 9th September_

I know I haven't written in a long time, but maybe, if I feel like it, I will fill the gaps someday.

Today is not the day.

Today is just another long, exhausting day and I'm glad it's almost over. I think I forgot one thing to the list - embarrasing. Sometimes I would like to know when I blush, so I can hide in my turtle neck or behind my hair. What happened? More or less, this:

The teacher was talking about traditional society and you know how much he loves using students as examples. He just had to choose Jack and me! Imagine this - "Here, Jack's parents own a farm and Jack likes, here, Rapunzel. His parents promise to give the farm to him, but only if he marries, let's say, Merida. He's a one unlucky lad, isn't he?"

My friends laughed too much. Everyone laughed too much. Even I did.

Maybe it was stupid and I'm stupid too because I overthink it too much. I don't have problems making fun of myself, but I do have problem with others embarrasing me. Because I have blushing issue. So here's the answer - I always blush. I can always hide.

It was definitely stupid.

Merida, who sits right next to me, tried to make me feel better with planning on assassinating Jack's parents so he would be able to marry me instead of her. Her ideas are a bit radical and permanent, but I got used to her wicked humour a long time ago.

Tomorrow is Thursday, and I can't be happier about it. Even if it's the day with the most lessons. I'm baking cookies today so I can make it a bit more bearable to everyone. But the reason for my good feeling about the day is Geography, obviously. Sitting next to Jack can always make my mood better, no matter what.

It's incredible that we became such good friends. Definitely better than I ever hoped for.

Merida is the only one I told about my crush on Jack, although I'm sure a lot of our classmates noticed. Some of them even think Jack has crush on me, but then, he's so friendly to everyone that it's hard to recognize. At least for me it is.

I should bake the cookies so we all have something to snack on during the long hours at school. I'll continue soon.


	6. Comfortable

_Thursday, 10th September_

Great.

Today my class teacher let me fall in love and then get murdered by my parents who didn't want me to marry a poor guy.

I guess I'm good at being an example.

But anyway, the Geography was silent. Fortunately not that awkward silence when your stomach is the size of a walnut and you're afraid to breathe because it's too noisy. I've had enough of that the first months of my freshman year. This time, it was more of that comfortable silence Jack and I sometimes share, with a few sentences here and there during the lesson. Neither of us felt like talking much.

Everyone loved the cookies I brought. I think I'll make a habit out of bringing something sweet on Thursdays.

I also had two lessons on Art theory and after it, I lead a heated discussion with Merida about what is art and what is not.

Our class teacher planned the first theatre visit this year. It's the Swan lake! I've seen it before, I know, but I'm still excited. It's next Thursday and just as I started to plan on which dress to wear, I realized we'll go by train and right after the school. So that would be it for the dress. But what I like about these trips to the theatres is that it's voluntary, which means only me and my friends from class go. And a few more people, but they're friends too. Sort of.

And Jack. He always goes. In freshman year, it quite surprised me, because I didn't think he would like theatres. But that's just how he is, I guess. Sometimes reckless and cheerful, and then classy and gentleman. Always surprising.


	7. Alive back then

**So, this is the part where I describe dance lessons, or, to be accurate, the first lesson, which happened a few days after the chapter 2.**

* * *

_Saturday, 12th September_

There was an afternoon sun shining. I had my long hair braided neatly and I wore pastel green dress with a trenchcoat. I was standing at the sidewalk at the edge of park, waiting.

I was early and I was nervous, but it was that good type of nervous you get when you know you're about to experience something wonderful.

I looked around once again and I saw him.

I saw Jack walking across the street. He was wearing a black suit and tie, with a white shirt. He looked…

Oh gosh. I can't even find the words, but it was nice seeing him in something else than shirts and hoodies. Don't get me wrong, I love his shirts with rolled-up sleeves and his blue hoodies. (He only ever wears the blue ones.)

He spotted me and smiled with his signature impish grin, which, accompanied by his tousled white hair, were the only two things not fitting his tidy look. "Hi."

My butterflies went mad. "Hi."

"You look nice."

I have to say, I was still in the middle of admiration of his unusual appearance. Even if I wanted to repay the compliment, I thought that "You look like winter." wasn't the best I could give, so I just smiled and thanked.

…

So this was our first dance lesson. We sat in small armchairs around tables, which were placed next to the walls all around the dance hall. Jack and I talked about school and normal things, the excitedness obviously bottled up. I couln't wait for the lesson to start.

The first dance they taught us was slow waltz, the most beautiful of them all. It wasn't easy, but it was my favourite. With Jack, we moved in this smooth harmony, steps synchronized, the sparkling energy flowing between us through the joined hands. We were whole; aware of the other one more than ever, aware of our own bodies like never before. The lingering sound of the violins was filling us up and overflowing out, staining our clothes and colliding with our perfumes, changing them into something special forever.

It was that simple fleeting feeling of being alive I was waiting for for a long time.

* * *

That was exactly one year ago. Dance lessons are long over, compliments became a normal thing between the two of us and I'm sitting on my sofa at home with a cup of green tea. I haven't danced since then, and a part of me wonders how long it will take until I'm okay with it.

To be honest, the first lesson was more of tripping, stomping on each other's feet and apologizing all the time. But thanks to that, dance lessons had learnt us more than dancing. Patience and tolerance with each other's mistakes, but also the will to help; being passionate about what you do without being afraid to be judged; making fools of us for the sake of fun; acting like gentlemen and ladies - with grace and kindness.

And I'm thankful I found the courage to ask him to go with me to dance lessons.


	8. Eating habits

**Aaaaand I'm completely out of ideas when it comes to naming chapters, as you can guess...**

* * *

_Monday, 14th September_

Maybe I shouldn't have written about the dance lessons on Saturday. I'm coping with no dance lessons quite well, if I don't think about it. And that text about the first dance with Jack… it made me too emotional, too vulnerable, too sad. And now I can't get out.

I unintentionally decided to use the same strategy as back then in March, after the last lesson. I try to keep myself too busy to think, which is something I never struggled with. Now that school is in full swing, I have books to read, homework to do and classes to study for. And of course, pictures to paint, music to listen to and classmates to bake for. Which is not only amusing, but also highly appreciated.

I baked some cookies on Sunday, but they were few so I didn't bring any to school. On Geography, because I didn't want to be silent all the lesson like last time, I asked Jack about his weekend. He answered something about not getting enough sleep and asked me about mine. (He really looked tired, to be honest.) So I told him about the cookies I baked and that I learned to make pancakes.

That made him smile. (Rejoice.) He suggested I bring some to school someday, adding that he sometimes doesn't have enough time for breakfast. We went on with discussing the issue of keeping the pancakes warm and how he should improve his eating habits. He even quitted going to school canteen. No wonder he's so slim!

Sometimes I wonder if Jack doesn't mind me talking about baking so often, but then, I think that talking for a bit about unimportant things is better than being completely quiet. Maybe I just worry too much. If it can make him smile, I will talk about it.

After all, he also makes sure I smile quite often.


	9. The other way around

_Wednesday, 16th September_

Good news!

We will have time to get home between tomorrow's lessons and the theatre, but I still haven't decided whether or not I want to wear dress. Speaking of which, I had just bought a new dress on Monday, light blue with white flowers. A bit wintery, I know, but I think blue is a little underestimated by me when it comes to clothing.

(Now I realized that if I wear it, there's a chance I will have matching colours of clothes with Jack. I'm not sure I want that, since I don't want people to make puns because of it. And no, I would not wear the purple one. I wore them the last dance lesson, and the less reminders of that the better.)

But let's get to something more interesting than my dressing issue. Last week on Wednesday, I forgot to write about the first German conversation lesson. Which would, naturally, be incredibly uneventful, since none of my classmates has that lesson, if it wasn't for the brown-eyed brown-haired guy. I've been watching him on the corridors of the school for two years already. And it makes me wonder what it would be like if they had put me in his class.

Maybe I would have an insane crush on him and Jack would only be that handsome stranger I would be meeting on the corridors, wondering what his name was.

But it's the other way around.

That reminds me, I got to know his name, which is… rather unusual. I mean, Eugene Fitzherbert? That's pretty extraordinary.

Maybe I shouldn't speak with my 'Rapunzel Corona'.


	10. Stupid seat

_Sunday, 20th September_

The fun thing about my interaction with Jack is that we don't ever speak a word to each other without smiling. Sometimes we don't even speak and we smirk at one another. It felt a bit awkward at first, but I got used to it.

He smiles at me when he greets me every morning, he smiles at me when he asks me to show him my sketches. He smiles when he rolls his eyes after hearing I got A from Spanish.

He smiled when he was telling me he was not going to the theatre. I smiled when I replied that it was a pity. Sometimes I smile because I can't help it; sometimes I smile because it's all that is left to do. I wonder what are his reasons for a smile.

Swan Lake was wonderful, of course. I've seen it two years ago, and it was as good as back then.

But Jack was still missed. I felt it when me and my friends went for a coffee before the ballet, as the conversation was poor and dragged. I felt it on the break, when there was no one to ask me how I liked the peformance with that sarcastic joking voice. I felt it all the time, all the time when there was that empty red seat beside me.

That stupid seat.


	11. Brilliant

**Sorry for cancelling the theatre trip (or, more like, excluding Jack). Here, have something else to hope for instead.**

* * *

_Wednesday, 30th September_

I forgot what I wanted to write about.

That I finally have the right to get excited about Halloween and Fall and I'm incredibly happy about it? That I haven't seen Jack in five days because I'm ill? That with every passing year at high school we have less and less classes in common, which means we see less time? That some days, it's not even an hour and a half?

That I'm getting tired of waiting? Who wouldn't, after more than two years.

My friends say I don't sound like myself recently. Maybe they're right.

But actually, I've remembered what I wanted to write about, and aaaaah! I'm so excited about it that I definitely sound like myself again! I've probably already written about how I miss dance lessons, and, well, I think I've found a solution! There is a dance hall open for public every Saturday, all it takes is to ask Jack to go dancing for fun someday. Now, I'll save all my worries and what-ifs for another day, I have to study Spanish for tomorrow.


	12. Not what he said

_Thursday, 27th October_

A lot of things happened since I've last written a diary and maybe they're the reason why I didn't write. I was much happier when kept busy instead of overthinking.

Looking back to summer, it was mostly happy. If I've _ever_ been sad during summer holidays, it was probably because there were no dance lessons. On September, there were dance lessons but I wasn't at them. These days, there are dance lessons, but I'm not going there. Jack is, but without me. Now, I'm not thinking of it as some sort of betrayal nor I am mad at him (can I really be mad at Jack?) I am only sad. Because the day I was going to ask him to the dance hall open for public on Saturdays I found out that some other girl asked him to dance lessons, so I didn't even ask.

I was still coping quite well till weekend, when I found their photos of the dance lesson by accident. So I baked apple pie. Baking = bad mood treatment.

Since then, I've been seeing their new photos every Saturday. It's unevitable. (If I keep baking so many sweets, I'll be chubbier than Fishlegs. No offense.)

I have to admit, that girl _is_ beautiful. I don't know her, but from what I've seen, she's beautiful, nice, elegant and probably popular.

Why on earth did I offered the exchange student to go to watch dance lesson? I don't know if I can watch Jack dancing with the other girl. Maybe because it was before I found out Jack is attending dance lessons. Oh, by the way, the exchange student, Ana, is really nice. A bit quirky (she complimented my teeth), but really kind and friendly. She even told me she thinks I'm prettier than the girl Jack's dancing with. (She also found the photos. Like, _everyone_ saw them. Maybe except Merida.)

And Jack? I can never even guess what he is thinking, but apart from that, we're still good friends. Geography is always quite enjoyable since we usually have discussions on some random things like if macaroons should be eaten with tea or coffee or how can a rainforest have a capital city. And our 'sharing food habit' has even deepened, since he's usually somehow the first person to be around when I take my cookies out of bag. Today was no diffent. He loves anything I bake (and I thought he would be the last person to like sweets!).

When he asked me today whether I'm going to make christmas pastry and I replied yes, he smiled like he was about to say "cool, so i can maybe come someday and we can eat it with hot chocolate and watch movies after being out enjoying the snow and cold weather".

That was not what he said, although he smiled in such an impish way one would almost guess that was what he thought.

Anyway, I definitely know what kind of christmas pastry I'm making this year. The kind he will love, of course! But there's still time for that. I will make Pumpkin truffles for Monday. I almost forgot, Autumn break starts tomorrow! I won't see my classmates till Monday, but I will still spend some time with friends and go outside and celebrate Halloween with my homemade Halloween candy. YAY!

And then, it will be only five more days till THE dance lesson.

I can already see myself freaking out of exitement and nervousness.


	13. Our song

_Friday, 6th November_

He was always a good dancer. With movement so smooth and graceful it seemed as if he was flying across the parquet, and if you danced with him like I did, he made you feel like you flew with him.

He was also what I like to call "tender-handed". He would touch me like I was fragile, like I could shatter under his hands, always so softly. His gaze was sending chills down my spine while his smile was warm and enouraging.

I loved everything about dancing with Jack. Even the effort he put into proving that I was doing it wrong. Even when he was actually the one who did it wrong. Even the little talk in between dances.

The pictures of all this were flashing through my mind as I found myself pulled by Merida up the stairs of the building where the dance hall was. I was supposed to go to the dance lesson as an official guest with Ana (the one who complimented on my teeth), but when that didn't happen, Merida came up with a crazy plan.

"Come on, Punz, it's gonna be fun," she said when she saw my worried face.

"What if he sees us?"

"Don't be such a baby. Besides, we're not going inside, we'll just watch from the hallway. Don't you want to see Jack?"

I stopped. "You mean to see him dancing with another girl? I'm not sure I want that."

Merida turned around and put her hand in my shoulder. "I get it, but at least you'll see what is happening inside."

"I'm not sure I want that either."

"You live only once," she said and that made my decision.

_She knows me too well_, I thought and said: "I'm going to smash you over the head with frying pan for this."

"Yeah, yeah, you can thank me later," she replied, grabbed my hand and pulled me through the hallway.

We stopped by one of the windows, which was offering a good view of the windows to the dance hall, but far enough to keep us unrecognizable. Thank gods it was already dark. At first, we only saw a few other couples, but then everyone shifted and we saw Jack and the other girl holding hands, prepared to dance. She looked very elegant in light blue dress with her hair neatly braided.

"Come on, she's not even that pretty. You're more beautiful than her, Punz," Merida remarked and didn't even bother to turn around as she knew I was half-hiding behind her frizzy hair.

But I think she said that only to make me feel better, because there was no way someone could say about that girl that she wasn't pretty.

Then a faint sound of 'Moon River' came to us and the dancers started to slow waltz. I inhaled deeply and there was probably that desperate frown showing on my face. My hopes of ever dancing with him again dropped instantly to zero. I turned away from the window and whispered something as: "That was our song."

_I used to be the one to dance with him. To make him smile with my silly jokes and listen to his in return. To…_

I felt a strong arm around my shoulders. "Let's go get some chinese," Merida suggested and we left the hallway.

…

I don't know if it was right or wrong to go there, but I had already been sad before, so I guess it doesn't matter.

Considering the emotional exhaustion it caused me, I'm not sure how I will survive the next week, when I'm going straight to the dance lesson to watch. Maybe I could say Ana that I don't want to go there in the end, but that would only steal sleep from me.

No. I have to go there.


	14. The dance lesson - Part 1

_Friday, 13th November_

I had brought myself to prepare for the dance lesson. I took an extra care with braiding my hair, although what for, I didn't know. I dressed up my favourite dress, wore heels and long coat and set off to the dark. I was shaking. I'm not sure if it was due to the cold or nervousness, I kind of feel it was both.

On my way to the dance hall, I wondered why I even went there. Is there any point in bringing pain to my already hurt feelings? Do I really need to see Jack dancing with another girl with my own eyes? For two hours straight? But as I said before, I promised it, and I wasn't going back once I decided to go.

I was still shaking when I met Ana. "Hi," she smiled. "Are you nervous?" She knew I was, that was why she asked. I nodded and smiled back. My nervousness was noticeable even from the smile. I saw Ana had a few strands of hair dyed purple and light green, so I said: "Nice hair," to try to relive the tension a bit.

"Let's go," she said and we went up the stairs into the building. Everything I saw after we entered was making my insides twitch. The wave of warm air from the hidden heaters. The luxurious chandeliers. The fancy decorative paintings. The soft thuds our high heels were making on the thick red carpet. The extraordinary scent filling the long hall leading to the ballroom. The lights and shades and angles and heights and sounds and people moving around. Everything.

Ana gave me an encouraging look, so I assumed we reached the door. I put my hand on the handle - almost. I couldn't help hesistating. "Let's wait until the music ends. I don't want to interrupt," I suggested, and so we sat ourselves on the chairs in front of the doors to the dance hall.

When the hall went silent, I almost missed it as I felt so uneasy and distracted with talking to Tooth. She nudged me gently and we sneaked inside.

The first person to welcome us was the dance teacher's wife, but I barely brought myself to paying attention to her since I was already lookind for Jack. I found him a few couples to the left, where he was prepared for the music to start, holding his partner in standart pose. When he spotted me, he smiled the beautiful bright smile only he could pull. Then they started dancing an his smile fell in concentration.

_"Come on, we gotta act serious! It's a serious dance!" And then he cracked up._

I chased the uninvited memory back to the edge of my mind and took a seat by one of the tables around the hall.

Even though I couldn't help feeling a bit envious, I stayed quite calm. A few days before, I overheard that he only went to the dance lessons again because the girl he was dancing with couldn't find a partner, and also the lessons will soon be over. Okay, I have to admit I was more than just 'a little bit' envious, especially when they danced slow waltz, but I was still doing quite fine.

It wasn't long after we entered Jack came to our table. He had that striking smile again, this time with something amazed in it.

"I didn't know you'd come."

The first thing I thought of was: "Surprise!" and I immediately thought how silly it must have sounded.

"It really is." He greeted Tooth and then looked back at me. "You both look amazing. Nice hair, by the way."

"Thank you." I instinctively reached for the braid and fixed it a little.

..

When I wasn't watching the couples move around, I was talking to Tooth about those dances they were learning and from time to time, I added a funny story from my own lessons. Besides that, we were also discussing our trip to some Christmas market since December was just around the corner. In short, I was having quite a good time considering I didn't want to go.

Jack even offered to buy a bottle of water for me, and when he dissapeared to the bar, Tooth commented: "Wow. Such a gentleman."

"I know, that's why I like him," I giggled.

They all had a short break, so Jack had time to sit with us and talk when he returned with the water. And the first thing he picked as a topic was, surprisingly: "You're not baking today?" He probably remembered the apple pie I baked and told him about some time ago. He seemed concerned that he didn't get to taste it.

"Apparently."

"Well that's good, because when you bake on Fridays, you don't bring it to school."

"I wouldn't bring the pie even if I baked it on Monday, it's kinda hard to transport." But I thought that, no matter how he regretted not tasting the pie, there was something else he wanted to talk about.

"So, do you want to dance later?"

I smiled, because I felt that things were just about to get a whole lot better.


	15. The dance lesson - Part 2

"So, do you want to dance later?"

"Yes." I smiled and Jack disappeared to dance. _Wait, what? He actually invited me to dance! But the lesson will be soon over! He invited me to dance!_

I could barely breathe. I turned to Ana with a foolish smile. "He invited me to dance," I repeated my thoughts.

"See? I told you he would!" she smirked at me and then checked the time. "Oh. I should go home now, my parents will soon start to worry."

There was still something about fifteen minutes to the end of the lesson, so I decided to stay and then maybe take a walk to the bus stop with Jack, if I get lucky. But I didn't like the idea of letting Ana walk alone in the dark. "I feel bad for not seeing you off. Are you sure you'll be okay? You should take a cab or something."

"Don't worry, I'll be fine." She glanced at Jack, who was just going towards us. "You'll tell me what happened on Monday!" She hugged me and turned around to get her coat.

"Aren't you staying for the next lesson?" Jack asked me when he reached us.

I gave myself a mental facepalm. _How could I forget about the next lesson? _The fanfare of victory played at the back of my mind. "Yes. Yes, I'm staying, but unfortunately Ana has to go."

"Oh." He waved at her before she left and then asked: "So did she enjoy the lesson?"

But there was someone else calling him, so I just nodded and he was already heading to another side of the parquet to talk to a friend of ours. I texted my dad that I was coming later. Meanwhile, the young dancers left and the parquet was taken over by adults dressed up for a samba lesson. Only Jack, me and our two friends, a cute couple, stayed from the last course.

The music went on. I looked up in surprise and saw Jack holding out a hand with a light, lopsided smile. I put my hand in his and he led me to the parquet. It felt wonderful. All my troubles from past month or so flew away and not only I got rid of the remains of shakiness, I also felt that familiar warmth coming from his hand through all of my body.

We knew samba quite well since we learnt it before and so we felt comfortable talking. The music was set for the beginners there, not for us, so it was slowed down.

"So, how was you day today?" Jack asked. There was more to this question than it seemed - and more than I could possibly express with words.

"Quite good for a Friday 13th."

He laughed a bit and we danced figures others weren't even learning yet with ease. I had thought I wouldn't remember the steps, but with Jack leading me and the certainty glowing from him, it came off instinctively.

"Your hair looks really nice," he said, for the second time that evening. I was so glad he liked it, because it was actually the first time I had worn it that way. I smiled at him, but maybe I had been smiling at him all along and I only realized it at that moment.

The dance ended and we exchanged those signature that-was-a-good-dance grins. We let our arms slowly fall down, but Jack didn't let go of my hand right after that. We lingered on holding for a little while, as we used to do towards the end of our own courses. Sometimes it was only three or two fingers, and usually we sort of let go in the end. Sometimes it was only pinkies, which felt a bit weird, but somewhat sweet. I've always loved how we lingered on holding and I was glad we went back to our old habit.

We danced one or two more sambas and then we stood aside to chat with our friends. We had such a fun! Everything came so casually - the jokes, the silence, the expressions. As we were talking, I was thinking about how lucky I was to get to dance with him. Although I hoped for something more romantic like my beloved slow waltz or our favourite tango, with samba being the happy dance it is at least I didn't feel like a complete fool smiling all the time.

We felt quite at ease wandering around the dance hall, leaving the group of the four of us and then joining it again - I went to have a sip of the water Jack had bought for me, our friend left to get some fresh air and then returned… the atmospehere was so relaxed that I never wanted the evening to end. I watched the adults trip and stumble around and laugh, which made me smile. I glanced to the chairs placed right next to the wall and saw Jack sitting there, all alone on his phone.

_No way, Jack._

I went and sat next to him, waiting patiently until he finishes texting. I was trying to figure out something to talk about, but Jack was faster and saved me from the dilemma.

"You didn't even get to tell me. Did Ana enjoyed the lesson? She seemed a bit bored to me."

"No! We had fun watching you all trip and struggle with the steps. Also, she can't really not have fun, don't you think? She's a bit crazy." After realising what I just said, I covered my mouth with a hand and hurried to explain. "Oh! No, I mean, that _good type_ of crazy!" I doubted Jack knew what I meant, but he was already laughing at me.

"I understand. But still, crazier than you?"

"Oh, so you think I'm crazy?" I played a dramatic one for the humorous effect and then chuckled. "You're probably right."

"I knew it all along," he exclaimed, following the dramatic nature of my complaint and then he went a little more serious. "Even at the get-to-know-you camp. You are one of the few people I noticed there and remember since then. You have one of those extraordinary looks people tend to remember."

"I noticed you, too. And Hiccup, but mainly you." It was insane from me to act this natural.

But he continued. "And when I say extraordinary, I don't mean your freakishly long hair - you have a really nice face, you know."

_Oh my. _"I like your face, too. Especially the jawlines." _What? It's true, but.._

"And I like your nose."

_What? What's with you all and my nose? My piggy button-like nose?_

"Nose? That's the one thing I like the least about my face. Like, eyes, okay, but nose?"

"I don't know, it's just…"

I didn't get to hear the rest, as our friends joined us, calling: "Hey you two, what are you chit-chatting about?"

_Y'know, just randomly complimenting each other._

Our discussion went from compliments to neutral stuff like movies and music. The guys then left for a 'manly drink' as they called it (which I don't understand since there was no alcohol), and so just the two of us girls remained at the chairs. I didn't even notice the time passing by - for me, it stopped. Between talking and dancing, there was only the feeling that _all was well again._

This time when Jack returned and invited me for another samba, I don't even know if he offered me a hand or not - all I remember is melting in that enchanting smile of his.

I would probably dance to the edge of the world if he asked me to. I remember how he once talked about dancing on an infinite dance floor - I even dreamt about it once. Dancing without time or place, with music that never ends and everything is peaceful and good. That was what it felt like to dance with him. You can imagine it's almost addictive.

The hall fell silent for once again and Jack smiled at me like I was the sun rising on a chilly autumn morning. And he didn't let go of my hand. We stood there, holding each other's hand gently, not a word spoken. I was softly watching him, wondering how can those icy eyes spread so much warmth through me.

We danced a bit more and I didn't even notice the lesson was slowly coming to an end, until the dance teacher with his wife gave the short final speech and said goodbye. I greeted our friends and went to get my coat, but Jack was already there, taking it from the hanger.

"Allow me," he said and held the coat so I could comfortably dress it up. Then he smoothly threw his own dark blue coat on and we went outside. It was freezing cold, but I didn't mind that much. I was already thinking about everything I had to write into my diary that evening.

"You danced good today," Jack smiled at me. _Jack, I beg you, never stop smiling._

"Thanks. Those five figures we learnt aren't that hard to remember, after all. I don't know if I would be able to dance some of the other dances, I probably forgot most of the steps. But maybe I would remember them instinctively." _If you led me._

"And if I led you? You'd know how to dance every single one of them, I think."

I stopped the uncontrolable laugh that came off in my mind and simply replied: "Definitely."

Jack refused to let me go alone to the bus stop, even though he was short of time, claiming that it was too dark. He asked me what I plan for the weekend and then we talked about the school trip to Switzerland in spring. I wanted to go, but I didn't make it.

"I have to bring you something from the chocolate factory, then," he joked.

I laughed and then saw a bus coming from the far end of the street. "I think it's your bus," I said as I pointed to its direction.

"Oh, yes. So, um, have a nice weekend."

"You too."

I was about to turn and walk on, but then he brought me into a hug. It was sudden and surprising and tight and long. I hugged him back, resting my head against his shoulder lightly and he gently caressed me. Then he pulled away and ran to catch the bus. Right before he got on, he waved at me and like this, he left me there, smiling like silly and warm at heart.


	16. Strawberry pancakes

_Saturday, 14th November  
_

I still couldn't believe the events of the previous day. It kept me laying in bed after I woke up, staring at the ceiling with a happy grin.

Ten minutes later, I was standing in front of the kitchen counter making myself vanilla strawberry pancakes. Since there was no one else at home, I had music playing from the living room and I was talking to Tooth on the phone. Bless her for being an early bird like me, because I didn't think the news could wait till the afternoon, let alone Monday.

"There was another lesson? That's great."

"Yeah, a lesson of samba. Not my favourite, but as long as I get to dance with him, it's awesome." I giggled and flipped the pancakes.

"But you aren't calling me just because you danced, right?" Tooth guessed correctly.

I felt my pulse going faster only at the thought of it. "Well, he sort of… told me he liked me? Not me like _me_, he told me he liked my face. And he hugged me."

I heard a surprised gasp. "Do you think he likes you like _you_?"

"I don't know," I let out a frustrated sigh, the smile noticeable from the tone of my voice. "Maybe? I don't know! Why is it so easy to say if someone likes someone else, but so hard when it comes to me?"

"Girl, you have to tell him," Tooth told me with seriousness against her habit.

"You think?" I asked and played with the thread of the teabag in a similar manner I play with a strand of my hair.

"I'm sure," she replied. "Just… At least think about it, okay?"

"I will," I promised. "If you were here, I would make you strawberry pancakes, too."

"Save that for the man of your dreams," she chuckled.


	17. Volatile

**I hope you enjoy all the fluff as much as I do. **

**(At the beginning, Punz is talking about her promise to Tooth that she will confess to Jack.)**

* * *

And as I promised, I did. Needless to say, when Tooth mentioned confessing to Jack, it would be difficult for me not to think about it. But the important thing is that after quite a long time, I was actually considering telling him as an option again.

And there it hit me, like a light when you walk outside the cinema. I decided to tell him.

…

The following week went in that comfortable casual atmosphere, typical for my classmates. Monday's Geography was as enjoyable as usually, I baked spiced molasses cookies for Tuesday, I had art lesson on Wednesday… Apart from the fact that I was squealing in happiness anytime I thought of Friday, it was a week like any other. I even got invited to another dance lessons in two weeks time and I agreed. After all, if it goes in a similar way as this Friday, it could be a perfect opportunity to tell Jack!

I couldn't get it off my mind until the next Thursday, which was one day before THE dance lesson. I was already starting to be excited and I felt like I had drank two cups of coffee. (And I never do that _for a good reason._)

When I came into a German classroom that morning, I overheard Hiccup and some girl from other class talking about Christmas presents.

"Well, if it was up to me," the girl gestured melodramatically, "I would buy Jack some cool dancing shoes or something if you are right about him starting a pro's training."

"Oh yeah, that's what I heard. And his partner, do you know her? Wait, what was the name… Elsa, was it? The platinum blonde?"

"Yeah, that's her. Don't they make quite a cou - "

"Hi," I let out.

"Hi," they replied simultaneously.

I managed to put on a small smile. Fortunately the bell rang, the girl left and there were no more talks about Jack and this Elsa.

I survived German and right as it ended, I half went - half ran out of the school. I was lucky I was the only one who had a free lesson, so I could let the tears fall just as I left the building. But they didn't come. It was that yet unknown emotion when I was crying dry tears, breathing heavily and sharply like I was suffocating. It was a very new feeling of special kind of emptiness and I liked it even less than those I recognized.

I didn't even know what to think. My mind was a shifting mass of images, memories, sounds and words and it was the only thing that seemed to weigh.

I ran towards home until I was completely out of breath. I pushed the door closed and sat myself in the kitchen. I remained still for a good part of the first free lesson, staring mindlessly at the trees and street outside the window.

I got up to make myself a cup of coffee - the familiarity of the smell and the routine movements were more than welcomed.

I managed to bring myself into a less volatile state of mind, but I still had to return to school and to Geography.


	18. Unlucky

_Saturday, 5th December, 0:17 am, writing on my laptop since my hands are too shaky to actually hold a pen_

Remember how I said that my Friday 13th was exceptionally good? I guess it was just late. I'm racking my brain to figure out at which point everything went so horribly wrong. The moment I agreed to go to the dance lesson? The moment I found out it was no ordinary dance lesson?

No, I think I got it. The moment I found out Jack is attending pro's training. It went all downhill from there.

I didn't even start to prepare without having problems. Do you think I found the dress I wanted to wear? No. I only found black, which I never wear unless, well… and the light blue with white flowers I wore the last time. It took me another half an hour of digging only to discover those pastel yellow, which might be a little bit too summery, but better than nothing, right?

And I thought I'm an organized person.

But the biggest surprise came when I arrived to the dance hall. To my own disbelief, the fact that I was late bothered me less than the message from the girl who invited me - she was not coming. And that, eventually, bothered me far less than what I saw when I peeked through the window opposite the ballroom.

The ballroom was unusually crowded - with adults. Holding cameras, drinking wine and clapping when the dance ended. There were roses neatly put on the tables around the room and all girls wore long and fancy ballgowns. All that could mean only one thing - it was the final dance lesson.

I immediately regretted not thinking about it earlier. After all, we had the last dance lesson around this date, too. I had to push back all the memories rushing to my mind after using _we_ and _last dance lesson_ in one sentence. I rather looked back to the ballroom to see what was happening inside and I saw Jack, in his neat black suit, dancing with…

_"And his partner, do you know her? Wait, what was the name… Elsa, was it? The platinum blonde?" _

So that is _her?_ I instantly remembered that I saw her when Merida pulled me to this window to watch three weeks ago. I wondered why would they go to beginners' dance course when they were attending pros' training. I saw that they finished dancing, everyone clapped and Jack made Elsa laugh, probably with some silly joke of his.

_Alright,_ I thought, _do I really need to watch this?_

_Sigh._ If I knew it would be the final lesson, I would fortify myself in the kitchen at home, bake a triple chocolate cake and probably sing broadway duets on my own. Just as I started considering returning home, the music volumed up again. And it wasn't just any music - it was that touching piano theme from Forrest Gump. They were about to dance a special waltz choreography, created for this occasion to make all the mothers and grannies cry.

_"But what if I forget the steps? Gosh I'm so nervous." Of course I was worried and muttering before dancing the choreography._

_Jack gave me his charming, reassuring smile and said: "Don't worry, you'll be great. And I will still be leading you, remember?"_

_I took a deep breath and trusted Jack with all the dignity I had in that moment. The music started. And then we flew._

I chased the memory away and considered staying by the window, but only for a moment. The pairs made the last pivot and everyone started clapping again. The dance master picked up a microphone to announce…

_The roses!_ I remembered and ran through the corridor, not minding the heels I wore. I turned left, walked quickly to the large door and sneaked in.

The whole ballroom, (which was in fact quite small), turned into chaos. All the dancers went looking for their gifts and then back looking for their partners again. The guys had the prettiest roses for girls - often crimson red - and girls had the whitest, softest handkerchiefs with their initials sewn in the corner.

_"Here, I have something for you, too," I said as I handed Jack a handkerchief with my monogram sewn in darkish blue. I was thinking about using purple thread, but I thought he might like blue better. I took extra time to design and sew the letters, so they swirled in perfect spirals in the corner of the fabric. "I hope you like it," I added._

_"I didn't know you were this skilled with a needle!" Jack said when he saw my gift for him. "It looks awesome!"_

_Meanwhile, I had my fingers hugged around a stem of the rose Jack gave to me, holding it tightly, but gently. It was a beautiful, single rose, white with red rims. I ligthly tried its scent._

_"Does it smell nice?" Jack asked._

_"Yes," I smiled at him. It wasn't a sweet rosy scent you'd expect - it was more as if you walked into a greenhouse, but I liked it anyway._

I waited for the butterflies in my stomach to calm down and looked around for the dance master's wife. Which was pretty difficult to do since she was somewhere behind the knot of people who were walking back and forth, making photos, laughing or still exchanging gifts. I spotted Jack at the other end of the dance floor and Elsa right beside him, smelling a delicate red rose. I tried very hard not to think about rose colour meanings, but neither I could focus on the chit chat with the woman who came to invite me. At least I didn't have to look for her anymore.

There were no free chairs as far as I could see, so I stood close to the entrance, holding my coat in hands. The dancers moved back onto the dance floor in ones and twos, and when they were all ready, the quickstep was announced. The sandpaper voice of Louis Armstrong spread through the air. Everything was so familiar I was starting to feel slightly dizzy. I inhaled deeply to steady myself and stared at the pairs swiveling around to get used to the sight.

The dance ended and Jack appeared to greet me. But his "I didn't know you'd come." was further from the delighted way he said it last time and closer to a simple statement. I explained that I didn't plan to come alone, because this meeting gave me strong feeling that it seemed like I came to spy.

_I should have gone home when I had chance to,_ I thought as Jack left to dance and I didn't know if I wanted to run, hide, or be buried under a rock. _What does he think of me now? I must look so desperate._

Luckily, I had a guardian angel among the dancers. The girl who stayed with us for the samba lesson two weeks ago was coming to my rescue.

"Hi! We have a free chair over here," she pointed in the direction where her boyfriend sat. "Do you want to join us?"

"Sure," I replied, relieved and grateful. I followed her deeper into the ballroom and noticed how the air thickened.

It didn't matter to me that there was a small talk inevitably coming, but after it I couldn't help eyeing the dance floor every once in a while. One thing I really liked about the girl was that I could talk about anything to her, even though we didn't know each other that well.

"Look at them," she leaned closer to me so she didn't have to yell over the music and nodded towards Jack and Elsa. "How they're showing off, like they are something more when they attend pro's training. As if the rest of us was plebeian."

I wanted to defend them that they didn't, but the longer I watched them the less arguments I had to do so.

"I mean, Jack was always a good friend to me, funny and great to talk to. But ever since they signed up for the training… it just… _got worse."_

I wasn't sure what she meant by that, but I was soon about to find out.

"Although… In a way, we can't blame him," I said, watching Elsa. "She's elegant, super beautiful, and most likely popular. Also, she looks like some sort of ice queen."

"Ice queen? Yeah, so that makes them look like they're made for each other, but, you haven't talked to her, have you? Cold look, cold heart, I tell you."

I decided not to make any conclusions until I meet her in person, because I was convinced she couldn't be that bad. All the parents slowly left along with their children and it was time for adults to have their last lesson. The five of us stayed, of course, and I thought that it was much better for introducing and such. But the thing was, Jack and Elsa wouldn't speak to us, even though they were sitting just beside the couple. They looked at us everytime they went to the chairs and apart from a few sentences here and there, they completely ignored us. Elsa seemingly didn't feel like meeting new people, so I didn't even get to talk to her. When we somehow ended up standing side by side, she would barely look at me.

_Maybe she's just shy, _I thought and so I didn't push her. In fact, she left my mind completely when Jack, who stood behind us, leaned forward and whispered something. I died a little at how familiar it felt; I died a little more realizing it was not meant for me.

Elsa's soft chuckle disssolved in the sound of..

_Moon River._

_Slow waltz._

I begged myself not to react in the slightest as I saw Jack offer Elsa a hand inches in front of me and as I watched them walk to the dance floor and fly in the rythm to the most graceful of the dances. A twinge of pain came from my heart through all my body and I felt lightheaded again. The lyrics of the song were cutting my ears. Although I didn't know how much longer I could stand all that, I was so overwhelmed by everything I could hardly move.

Finally, the dance ended. The dance master gave us a short break and the pairs returned to their seats. As Jack walked by, he stopped and asked: "And what about you, just standing here like this?"

I shrugged, because what was I suppossed to say?

He imitated my shrug, not in a very nice manner, and said: "So you do mind."

_Of course I do…_

He didn't even wait for my reply, fortunately for me, and left to buy himself a bottle of water or whatnot.

Another set of dances started and I was wondering what I was going to tell Tooth when she asks me if I confessed to Jack.

"It would really hurt him to dance with one of us for once," my friend commented sarcastically.

"Right.."

I told her I needed a little fresh air and walked outside the ballroom. There was a terrace with a view of a church tower, empty as everyone was inside. It was quite large, so I puttered back and forth, thinking.

_You should go home. I don't know what kind of miracle you're waiting for…_

The sky was wonderfully starry that night, I noticed. It could somehow always make me feel better. I inhaled deeply the crisp air and glanced back at the tall doors of the ballroom.

_What do I have to lose at this point? Nothing. I'm not leaving._

I returned to the ballroom and sensed a slight difference in the atmosphere. The fact that my friend was grinning at me, holding thumbs up and Elsa just went to the dance floor with her boyfriend let me know that I got my miracle. Jack smiled at me for the first time that evening - and when I say smile, I mean his trademark bright smile - and invited me to dance.

The almighty sound of the beginning of Adele's _Skyfall_ pulsed through me. My favourite rumba. It made you feel like the world was ending, but it didn't matter; there was no past, no future left. Just you and the one you love the most.

I remembered how the dance master had told us to study each other's eye colour for the first time to teach us to look at each other when dancing rumba. I had to keep myself from counting out the exact shades of blue in his irises, because not only I was an art freak, I also knew his eyes by heart.

Jack probably remembered it too, since he smiled a bit more and said: "Still that spring green."

We made two smooth pivots and I replied: "Still blue.", even though I didn't consider it a satisfying description. We fell silent again, Jack smiling at me in that mischievous, even a tiny bit sinful way, one could say, and me drowning in his _blue_ eyes. For that little while, it was just me and him, with no one and nothing else around us. But then that while ended. Jack led me back to our seats and went to talk to my friend's boyfriend for a minute before returning to Elsa.

My shrinking, spinning world combined with dreamy brief moments of dancing with Jack brought too much emotions for me to handle. And my list of magical songs got shorter by one again. First the Forrest Gump theme, then _Moon River_ and now _Skyfall_. There weren't many left.

I soon realized that it didn't change anything. It was _just a dance_. And even though Jack became a little bit more talkative towards the rest of us, he never left the dance floor nor his partner for long.

Me and my friend spent what felt like ages sitting and talking, this time about more neutral stuff. Her boy was busy taking photos and she seemed to grow a little impatient when nearly everyone was dancing except her. But she also didn't want to abandon me and go looking for a partner.

We shot a knowing look at each other when a longing violin spread through the ballroom. _El tango de Roxanne_. We both immediately remembered the scene from _Moulin Rouge,_ and couldn't help imitating it.

_"Jealousy will drive you MAD!"_ We shook our hands in the same way the singer did, and then she smirked at me.

"Let's dance!"

"What?" Before I knew it, I was pulled to the dance floor by her and stood in the standart tango posture. She danced the guy's part and we tripped a bit from time to time and laughed and tried not to bump into other pairs. It didn't help that I was eyeing my surroundings for Jack and Elsa while singing the lyrics in low voice with my friend. And trying not to show how painful it was to do so.

_"It's more than I can stand…! Why does my heart cry? Feelings I can't hide…"_

It truly was _more than I could stand_ \- watching the lights spin around and another of my magical songs getting crushed to pieces while letting my friend turn it all into a crazy fun. I ignored people's displeased looks as we walked back to the chairs.

The time dragged during the last few songs and I spent it mainly by keeping myself from bursting into tears. I was so relieved to listen to the dance master's final speech because it meant that my misery is about to be over.

I went to get my coat and then returned to say bye to my friends. Jack was there, talking to one of them, so I waited until they finish. What I did next wasn't planned… but he sort of had it coming.

I tapped on his shoulder and just as he turned around, I flicked him right between the eyes.

"What the - Punz!"

He looked both surprised and offended at once. I didn't know where it came from and I didn't know what to say, so I just waved and said: "Bye, see you on Monday!"

As he walked towards the entry, he gave me a confused look and barely glanced back to greet us all.

_Here you go. Maybe it will wake you up_, I thought, because who I met today wasn't the Jack I knew.


	19. Cereals

**Hi. *crawles from under the bed* Sorry for the hiatus. I was dealing with stuff. But now I'm okay, so… Rapunzel's diary! YAY.**

**I recommend re-reading the previous part, because seriously, even I can't remember what was in it. But that's up to you.**

**Anyway, enjoy!**

* * *

_Saturday, 5th December, plus rest of the weekend_

Yesterday was a true Friday 13th for me. Even the last bus left right in front of my nose, so I had to walk all the way home in heels and without music to soothe my bleeding heart.

When I came home, it was abandoned like usually. Although it was past midnight, I knew I wouldn't be able to fall asleep soon, so I sat down to write everything out. I made myself a cup of tea, sat on my sofa with a laptop and played calm instrumentals. Which, eventually, put me to sleep. Since there was no one to carry me to bed or at least wake me up, I was there until I crawled to bed myself at about 4 am. I slept only till 6:30 or so. Excrutiating night.

In the morning, I grabbed a yet untouched box of cereals for breakfast and finished yesterday's diary. Then I put my lunch into the oven, set it and called Tooth, because the empty, silent rooms were slowly eating away on me.

After I told her all about the yesterday's miseries as well as the brief rumba, she was quiet for a few seconds.

"He plays with you, Punz."

"But it's not like he does all that to hurt me, is it? You know how he is, he's just being friendly to her the same way he is to everyone else." I immediately relized how naive it sounded, but I couldn't wrap my mind about the idea of Jack being mean.

"Punz, Punz, you always think the best about people, don't you? Maybe he doesn't do it with the intention to hurt _you_ in particular, and maybe you know him better that I do, but still. If his actions hurt you, you should either get over him or fight to get him. Not knowing which to do will drag you down."

"I don't fight over boys," was the only thing I had for answer.

"I just don't want you to get hurt more than you already got. Do what you think is best for you."

That triggered all the helplessness and despair I felt living deep inside me. "Well, I don't know what is best for me! I don't know anymore! Does he really just play with me? Or is he really too kind to do that? Should I tell him? Should I stop loving him? Can I really ever stop loving him? Does he think I'm some kind of lovesick girly girl that sketches him during her free time? I just don't know anymore!"

Well, a reaction like this was not expected. I whispered a simple "sorry".

Tooth sighed after hearing my sudden outburst of emotions. She was clearly at her wits' end, because the only thing she was able to tell me was "Try baking something. You said it helps you. See you on Monday, okay?"

…

The rest of the weekend wasn't any better. I went from that feeling of numb to crying to numb again. I had forbidden myself opening Facebook as I knew there would be photos from the evening and rather concentrated all my thoughts on Pinterest and Christmas decor.

Correction, I tried to concentrate all my thoughts on that. I tried, maybe too hard, maybe not hard enough - either way, I wasn't very successful. I could still see everything clearly. It crept under my eyelids no matter what I was doing and the music was flowing through me like a venom. At least there was no Geography the coming Monday. It would probably end in the same way the first few Geographies of the freshman year did. Not a word spoken, no glance shared, no smiles, no silly remarks at the teacher, no 'how was your weekend's… Nothing.

In the afternoon, when I was cleaning the kitchen after making hot apple cider, my phone rang. I almost didn't hear it, but when I did, I had no idea who could be calling. I checked the screen.

_Merida?_

Just as I answered, the thick scottish accent came storming through. "Oh mah gods Punzie are ye okay? Ah am going to kill Frost for this."

"No, don't kill him. How do you even know about Friday?"

"Tooth told me. Or maybe ah can kill that cold-hearted queenie."

I sighed. "Don't kill her either. We don't know her - maybe she's nice."

"Ye don't know how lucky ye are not being able to hate."

"I just naively continue to believe in the good inside people. For the second, third, tousandth time."

"It'll be fine. Monday's short and the we can have fun on the trip on Tuesday."

"Okay."


	20. Inseparable

_Tuesday, 8th December_

After the events of Friday and the exhausting overload of emotions at the weekend, I was glad that after the short Monday, our class went on a school trip. We didn't go by train as usually (I normally spend train rides in one compartment with Merida, Hiccup, Jack and a couple others and it's always great fun.) This time, I had headphones and spent almost every minute of the bus ride listening to music as I didn't feel like talking much. Which changed when we arrived to the city - I was starting to look forward to the exhibitions and the theatre play and, of course, the free time.

But first, our teacher took us to the compulsory sightseeing tour through the city's historical centre. No need to say that we've seen everything at least twice in every season and we were all freezing - with our classteacher, you have to see it again.

I was mostly spending time talking to Merida, with my hands as deep in the pockets as possible.

"So, which play are we going to see?" Mer asked me for the second time that week. It was _Tuesday. __Maybe she's just teasing me._

"You weren't paying attention again, were you?"

She only smirked.

"Shakespeare."

"Which one?"

"All of them. They summarized all his plays into 120 mins, although how, I have no idea."

"Mhm."

I could almost bet she would ask me again in the afternoon, because by the time I got to the second sentence, she was searching for something on her phone. Then she disappeared, claiming she has a "cool meme she _just has to _show to Hiccup". I didn't mind though, I was about to listen to some music again. But before I even reached for my headphones, Jack appeared right next to me.

"Hi," he said.

"Hi," I replied slowly. It might sound awkward to say hi after three hours of bus ride and walking, but in our class, it was normal.

"I really like these buildings," he said after a while of silence and gestured to all of the street.

"Me too. It's Art Noveau after all - it's meant to be well liked." I was so glad we were talking about something as neutral as architecture. Otherwise I wouldn't know what to say.

"Aren't you cold?" he asked, glancing at my rather thin-looking coat.

"No - actually, I'm quite warm. Except for hands," I took them out of the pockets. "Silly me. I forgot gloves at home."

He quickly grabbed my reddish, frail hands with his. "Wow. And I'm usually the one with the coldest hands."

It was true - but at the time his hands were exceptionally warm, hot even. In a minute, I got to know why. He took one of those small handwarmers out of his pocket.

"Want to share?"

Sharing a handwarmer was a funny problem to solve, and it ended with our thumbs crossed and finger intertwined.

…

Hours later, when I sat down at home to write my diary, I still felt our hands touching. And the fun we had walking around street lamps! _Your way? Mine? Each on one side? Or should we just bring the lamp down because we are inseparable?_

Or in the café with Hiccup and Merida - I didn't even want to leave as I could spend hours sipping tea and talking like we did. But the play we saw was great, too (although I still don't understand how they managed to compress all Shakespeare's plays into one). Also, I have this weird but useful talent of sitting next to Jack almost always in the theatre. I can't influence it in any way, since sometimes we each get a ticket for one seat and sometimes our teacher books all row and then we sit randomly. I still somehow manage to sit next to him quite often.

Not that I would mind.

Now I'm at home, counting out all the sweet things that happened to me today and drinking tea along the way.

It wasn't until now I realized how trapped I actually am in love with Jack. Since when I am thinking oh-so-lovingly about him? It's barely full four days from the…

No. I promised not to think about it.


	21. In common

_Thursday, 17th December_

Today's Geography was quite enjoyable. (Isn't it obvious? I'm sitting next to Jack, remember…) It's almost painful how much we have in common, even if it isn't visible at first sight. Teacher played us a video about European volcanoes with some instrumentals in the background, so we were both guessing which film soundtrack it sounded like.

Jack then asked me if I know some soundtrack composer (How can I not remember which one? I always remember the dumbest details of my conversation with Jack. How can I not remember. But he knew the musician! Oh god. Just when you think Jack can't surprise you with anything, he comes up with something only to prove you wrong.)

Anyway, he asked me if I know him, and when he found out I did, he gave me _that look _and said: "You're perfect."

I have the feeling I should have been screaming internally _What do I say?! _but I was oddly calm. "No one ever told me that."

"You don't say it just to anyone."

Well. Have I already complained about how we hardly ever speak without a joking voice? It sounds like we are kidding half of the time. Or better, like we mean what we say, but we're not very serious about it, like we are just teasing more than anything else.

If I haven't, I'm complaining now. I like how our conversations are laid-back and comfortable, but sometimes it's nearly killing me.

Like today.


	22. Joys and hardships of using technology

**Is it weird that I'm getting winter feels in May? Is it?! Probably. Sorry for letting you wait so long! I'll work on this more, I promise. Holidays are coming (wohoo!) so I'll even have time for it! :) and now read on and enjoy the Holiday feels! (different holidays, that is.)**

* * *

_Tuesday, 22nd December_

Although my "too busy to think about the bad things" strategy was working less and less as the weeks gone by, I stubbornly kept onto it since I couldn't think of anything better. The upside of it was that I got done even more than I planned. For example, I spent a lot of time working on the Christmas decor and I was quite happy with the outcome, even though I wasn't done yet.

But my mind still wandered from time to time and I could do nothing to prevent it. I had a lot of questions - most of them started with _Why...?, What if...?_ or _What does he think of...?_

One of the less damaging was: 'Why didn't Jack come to see the Christmas pantomime the day before yesterday?'

I wanted to perform, but due to all the drama that occurred, I completely forgot to sign up. Last year, I tried to convince some of my classmates to perform with me, but I didn't succeed either. I thought this year's pantomime was better than those last two we saw, it was a pity Jack didn't see it. I really missed his witty remarks and his eyes shining in the dark of the theatre when he smiles at...

For the millionth time that day, I told myself to think about something else. _What time am I meeting Mer and Tooth? 2 am, right. And don't forget to bring ice skates._

I didn't last me long, though. Halfway through my _Winter Mornings_ playlist, my phone beeped. The screen shone right into my face as it was laying so close.

_Jack!_

I breathed in quickly and grabbed the phone before it could change its mind and show me an empty inbox. So he texted me, like he does every year. Except this year, it was one day later than usually. One day is not that much, I know. Im just making a big deal out of it, because thats one of the rare situations he ever texts me.

'Merry Christmas, Punzie, and a Happy New Year! :)'

I squealed in happiness and then started to type out my answer, but then I stopped to think about it. What did I want to write, exactly?

_I wish you Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year, too._

Too bland.

_Merry Christmas, my love._

As if I would ever have the guts to send this.

I tried like million other versions of 'Merry Christmas and happy New Year.' until I came up with a simple, silly and my signature 'Merry Christmas and enjoy the winter break!'

Sent.

What now?

I left the conversation open and continued working on christmas decorations, checking my phone every once in a while to see if the word "Seen" appears.

I can maybe ask him why he didn't come to the pantomime. Or send him a link to that music I was talking about on the last Geography. Or remind him to watch that film I suggested. Or simply ask what he is doing.

_You will both just end up not writing anything else like every year, _I thought. Because that's pretty much what happens.

I knew that when he's not at school and bored, it can actually take him hours and days to check his phone again. He's probably out playing in the snow with his little sister or stealing sweets from the festive set table. I remembered how back in October, I was planning on baking Christmas pastry - the kind Jack would love - and sighed, knowing that won't happen.

_Christmas pastry! I haven't baked a single cookie!_

I put the phone down, quickly made dough for sugar cookies and set it in the fridge to chill. Checking clocks, I let out a horrifying scream. I wasn't late yet, but I knew that if I didn't hurry up, I would be. I tested my multitasking skills by dressing up while texting girls I might be late and drinking tea at the same time. Just as I was starting to think I was Supergirl, I sent the apologetic text to all my open conversations. Including Jack's.

I squealed again. In the text I was telling girls that I can't wait to meet up for a coffee. I quickly typed 'Sorry, that wasn't meant for you.' and ran out to catch a bus with skates hung over my shoulder.

'Say hi to Merida :)' He replied unusually quickly - also, he and Mer were known to exasperate each other on daily basis, so he just wanted to show off with his deduction skills and make me ease a bit. Which I did.

'And Tooth.' I wanted to let him know that I appreciate his cleverness, so I typed: 'Your intuition is unbeatable.' But I also didn't want him to get too self-absorbed, so I added: 'Except for that little detail.' (I meant Tooth. He forgot she's a part of our squad now.) _Why am I so mean at him when we text? Not sure. But I am certain that texts are our most sarcastic, mean, wierd and friendly form of communication - and somehow also the most normal. It's a shame we don't text more often._

'Say hi to both and don't be so sarcastic next time :)'

I chuckled. 'I meant it. And don't get offended so easily :).'

He probably gave up on me after that. 'Ok, fine, enjoy café ;)'

'You too :)' _Oooh, that was dumb._ 'Well, enjoy whatever you're doing.' _That was even more dumb. He could be doing literally anything._

'I'm watching Inception :) It's good, although this was not what I imagined when you told me it was about dreaming.'

'You should take my advice on films more often :)'

'And you should take mine ;)'

'I did watch some of the films you recommended. Pulp Fiction is by the way one of the weirdest films I've ever watched.'

'But it's classic!'

'I didn't say it was bad :)'

'You were thinking it. I can see you through, miss Rapunzel :)'

'Whatever you say. I have to go! :)'

With the widest, weirdest smile I was capable of, I got off the bus. I glanced towards the ice rink, where there were girls waiting for me, and thought that I might have had something new to talk about over the coffee. But first, winter sports!

_Shame that you aren't here with us, Jack._

* * *

**Don't you just love how they put a smiley in every text they send?! These two sweethearts are going to be the death of me, seriously.**


	23. Going nuts

Updated: May 22.

**Well. I am ashamed.**

**But other than that, it feels so good to be back at writing this! **

* * *

_Saturday, 2nd January_

Despite all my cheery fluffy diary entries those past few weeks, I was still all the way down most of the time. I've never been so sad for such long periods of time - it's something so unlike me that Merida got worried. During holiday, she came by to my house nearly everyday, she even agreed on baking with me. She helped me put up the decoration (in which her strong hands came in really handy) and sometimes she stayed overnight.

Mer didn't talk about Jack very much, except for occasional spitting threats and curses at him at times I looked the saddest.

One evening, though, when we were munching on my Christmas cookies and watching fairytales, she asked: "How are you even able to talk to him?"

I shot a glance at her, shocked, hurt, terrified, and everything in between. At moments when I react exactly how I just did, I wonder if this is normal or if I should go to some sort of rehab for insane people.

"I don't know," I shrugged slowly and relax again. _When I'm with Jack, anytime he smiles or looks me into my eyes, all miseries fade away, no matter what or who caused them._

I smiled a little when I saw the snow falling ever so softly outside the window. _Hi Jack. Nice to see you here. What have you been doing all those days we didn't see each other? Me? You know, the usual stuff. I baked cookies, you would definitely like them._

I led a small conversation with the snow since I somehow always associated Jack with all things winter.

_I am going nuts, that's for sure._

My dad called that evening, saying that he won't be able to come for the Christmas Eve, or Christmas Day, or until the New Year's Eve, for that matter. I didn't really mind that he would bring Gothel along, even if she wasn't my favourite person in the world. I just wanted to see him.

When Mer heard the news, she insisted I join her and her family for the Christmas Eve dinner and stay until the following day, at the very least.

"Don't even think that I would leave ye alone in this haunted house on Christmas. Besides, a fresh blood will be very welcome at our table at home."

I was really grateful for my overprotective redhead.


	24. Kind of cute

_Thursday, 21st January_

As I sat down to write my diary in the evening, Jack's voice was ringing in my mind. As if I could actually help it when I spent the whole day in his presence! And the best part - it wasn't a school trip, it was just me, Jack, Hiccup and Merida.

We went to visit two universities' open days (which made me realize, horrified, how little time we have left. I overreacted, we still had one and a half year, but considering I was nervous at my bed with four years ahead just a while ago, it was a tiny bit justified)

But anyway, I hadn't have so much fun in one day for a long time. We went to our favourite café and got bagels for lunch, took a walk in the historic centre of the city, made fun of the fossils and stuffed animals exhibited in the bio-geologic depatment at one university and pickled parasites at the other.

Merida suggested _not_ buying the underground tickets, so we enjoyed the thrill of being black passengers. More like, the three of them enjoyed it and I was happy we didn't get caught.

On the train back home, we led heated discussions about the most ridiculous things, as usually, laughed and made puns. I wanted the ride to last a little longer.

Scratch that, _a lot longer!_

When Jack stopped talking mid-story to ask what date was next Tuesday, I smoothly pulled out my phone. "Twenty sixth." I should have seen the reaction coming.

"Wow, so quick. Thanks, _Moneypenny_." He grinned a goofy smile.

Oh, that's right. Since we both saw the new Bond movie, _Spectre_, in the cinema (not together unfortunately), he can't help making puns about it. And he wouldn't stop calling me _Moneypenny_ whenever I tell him the date or lend him a pen.

Although I do admit it's kind of cute.

…

In the evening, I sat on my couch, legs crossed, a steaming cup of tea put neatly in front of me. A few candles lit for extra coziness.

I had a laptop placed between my knees and was just casually killing time with some browsing. I wasn't an expert on Bond movies. I may have seen other besides _Spectre_, but that was a long time ago. And there was a character I wanted to find out more about.

So what exactly does _Wikipedia_ say about _Moneypenny?_

_"Although she has a small part in most of the films, it is always highlighted by the underscored romantic tension between her and Bond … On that note, she is not always considered to be a Bond girl, having never had anything more than a professional relationship with Bond, to her dismay."_

_Well great, _I chuckled. But then I found something else:

_"Of course she's in love with Bond, but she's too much a lady to go chasing after him. So she smiles and bides her time. In a way, you can't blame her. Every woman would like to live dangerously with James Bond, if only for 20 minutes, or half a night…"_

I laughed slightly and plonked back onto the pillows on my couch.


	25. Favour

_Monday 15th February_

With the Valentine's Day came up the great question of confessing. Maybe it would solve everything - after all, if I ever had problem with Merida, talking it out always helped.

But Jack wasn't Merida and we didn't have a "problem". I was in love with him and he wasn't in love with me.

Or was he?

I rolled the idea back and forth in my head on the way from school. _What if I wrote him a poem? Something like: _

_"You lay,_

_your eyes closed,_

_and look like the softest evening snowfall."_

_No,_ I chuckled. When was even the last time I saw him with his eyes closed? Oh right, on the train with Hiccup and Mer. Needless to say he really looked like a gentle snowfall. So calm and peaceful and... well, I could go on like this forever. It was also soon after he called me _Moneypenny_ with that smile of his. I blushed at the memory.

And then turned immediately pale white. I saw Jack walking into a building across the street. THE building. With pro's dancing training and _her _and dancing.

Did I mention dancing?

Merida was already waiting for me when I stormed to my front door. We planned a study party, but Mer insisted we talk first when she saw how not okay I was.

I made us a cup of hot chocolate and she sat me down in the living room like a five-year-old. I interpreted my thoughts and what happened, she took a contemplative sip and then told me: "If seeing him walking into that building makes you like this, do yourself a favour and imagine what it would be like to date him in reality."

I stared at her, trying to understand whatever it was she just asked me to do. She didn't seem to be joking, so I did what she said.

At first I saw us laying on the grass, relaxing and daydreaming. Then we were cooking in my kitchen, swinging to the cheery sound of oldies. Enjoying the warmth of the fireplace at his house in Burgess after a long day out. Falling asleep snuggling up and waking up next to each other. Breakfasts in the bed, morning coffee talks, strolling in the park, going to the cinema (and stealing the popcorn), Jack getting whiny when he has a lot to study, him listing through my sketchbooks with that "proud of you" smile, him insisting we go ice skating, me gently kissing him when he gets home dead tired from training...

The training. Was that what Merida was trying to imply?

How would I cope with that? I am generally not a very jealous person, but having it smashed to my face good four times a week? Would we argue about it? A lot? Does the training destine the relationship to an end before its start?

I sighed. With the way I reacted at the moment, there was no way I could date him and not lose my mind.

In an ideal world, it would work. In this world, thins go in a different way, and in this world, friends will have to do. But _friends_ is also more than I hoped for when I first saw him at the get-to-know-you camp, standing in the rain in that blue hoodie of his.

And as long as we're friends, I'm happy.

..

This realisation brought incredible peace of mind, to my surprise. Days were slowly becoming longer, waking up was nicer and falling asleep easier. Things I used to do to prevent thinking I started to do simply because I enjoyed them. I sew, I planted chamomile and I got back to my old habit of singing my lungs off while keeping my house spotless. I spent more time with my everyday yoga routine and I was so full of energy that I did all that with ease. Keeping up with schoolwork didn't seem so overwhelming. I stopped my excessive baking binges. I spent more time with friends, and actually, I even became more talkative towards Jack again (no matter how odd that might sound.)

In short, I felt great. Of course I still had to make sure not to think about certain things and revive certain memories, but even if I did, it wasn't so paralyzing. I knew this pain will take long to get rid of so I was happy for any kind of progress. I felt control again, and I was free.

* * *

**I am not at all done with this. AT ALL. Please don't freak out.**


	26. Daydreams I keep to myself

**Even though I think the last chapter would be a nice ending, there is still too much to be told. I do realize I've written 25 chapters with giving you no more than a hug... for those who stayed, thank you for your patiency. Although I can't promise you anything, I have a feeling that something is coming this school year... Something big.**

**It will be their last year together, after all.**

* * *

_Monday, May 16th_

I haven't written in a while! There wasn't a lot to write about. Since my last entry, I turned from the explosive package of grief back to normal. Merida convinced me and Hiccup to go to a football match, we've been to a theatre again and everything even remotely important or fun was still ahead - including finals and school trip.

_I should go now_, I thought as I checked the clocks. I closed my diary and put it on the shelf.

I walked out of home with a big smile on my face. It was a bit cold for May, but I didn't let it affect my great mood and didn't go back to get a jacket. _I will be at school shortly, after all._

_And then, I'm going to ask him!_

I danced with my arms in the rythm of the music in my yellow headphones and started mouthing the lyrics. I may have gotten a few questioning glances along the way, but what did it matter? I was going to ask him.

_What if he says no?_

Gosh, I was acting the similar way I did when I was going to ask him to the dance lessons in freshman year. _Asking him to go to the exhibition opening shouldn't be so hard, right? I don't need two weeks to work up the courage, and I don't even have that much time - the opening is tomorrow!_

Last year, he went to the exhibition too, even though not to the opening._ This year it__'s going to be a piece of cake._

(Baker's humor at its best.)

The first lesson was English, but when I came to the classroom, I found out we were together with the second group. Jack's group, that is.

_Can this day get any better? _I thought with a grin. My classmates got already used to my inexplicable smiles in the morning, commenting only with occasional: "Early birds." After I did my work, I chatted with friend and eyed Jack from time to time. He caught my glance once and smiled that beautiful sleepy morning "hello" smile. I smiled back and rather turned around again before I could become as red as a tomato, as if it was the first day of high school.

We spent Geography in a comfortable silence again. Teacher played us a short film, and with the curtains closed and the warm enviroment, we were both getting a bit mellow. Our breaths collided and I could see us in front of a TV, slowly drifting to sleep, resting against each other..

_Enough daydreaming, ask him!_

Before I could even collect my breath, the bell rang and Merida rushed to my desk. "So? Do you have everything ready for the exhibition?"

"Only one picture left to finish," I nodded. Jack stayed with us on our way from school and listened, to my relief. _Now. Ask._

"The exhibition?" Jack repeated. "My friend invited me and Hiccup to the opening. I hope we will all meet there, then."

"I can't wait."

Merida ran to the bus stop and hid herself from the wind, while Jack and I still stood in front of the school, not knowing what to say, exchanging awkward smiles.

"So, um, see you tomorrow?" I asked.

Jack nodded, then frowned slightly and opened his bag. I watched him, confused.

"Here," he said, handing me tangled black fabric. "Can't have you walking in t-shirt in this weather."

I unfolded it and found out it was his jacket. I looked back at Jack. "Thank you, but..."

"I'll be fine," he waved it off with a smile and raised his blue hoodie to sight.

"Thank you," I repeated and watched as he dissapeared behind a corner of our school. Then I put the jacket on and walked home with a Cheshire cat smile.

...

I closed the door, rested against them and made a mental list of things to do. _Print out the commentary for the exhibition and finish the painting. Bake something sweet for the visitors._ I nodded in approval and took the jacket off.

The moving fabric let out a soft scent and I got lightheaded. It was the scent I loved more than the smell of freshly baked cookies. _His_ scent. Pines, mint and sweet chocolate somehow working together and hidden behind a subtle cologne. I brought the jacket closer and took a deep, calm breath. I couldn't help but think that if things went differenty, I could be smelling the scent from its owner standing next to me, unlacing his shoes and maybe counting out the films we could watch in the evening.

I glanced through the empty space around and buried my face into the soft fabric.

It was full of the scent. So full that I could see Jack grinning at me, asking "How was your weekend?", making silly faces, feel him helping me with my winter coat, his arms embracing my small torso, his hand holding mine when dancing and our knees touching in the theatre…

_To work._

…

I had the commentary printed, the painting finished and cookies baked, but after half an hour, I was still rolling in my bed back and forth. It was already late when lay down - I knew that if I didn't fall asleep soon, I would be dead tired in the morning. Ten minutes into mindless staring in front of me, I noticed a strange shape on my chair.

_Oh, Jack's jacket._

Not really being able to think anymore, I reached for it to smell the scent for the last time that day.

Before I could put the jacket back on the chair, the sweet scent and the soft fabric pressed to my cheek lulled me to sleep. And let me tell you, I hadn't slept this good for what felt like months.


	27. The exhibition

_Tuesday, 17th May_

In the morning, I woke up pretty fast too. Mainly because I freaked out before realizing that _the thing pressed to my face_ was in fact just a jacket, and I freaked out once more because it was indeed Jack's jacket _and what was it doing on my pillow?_

If anyone had seen this, they would probably think it was a really creepy way of handling borrowed things.

I stopped my overthinking, scenario-inventing thoughts with "No one has to know, right? It was not intentional after all."

_How did I fall asleep so quickly? _Once the scent coming from the jacket hit my nose, I had my answer.

As I was braiding my hair, I kept reminding myself not to leave the jacket at home. I didn't want to give it back to its rightful owner, but Jack wouldn't lend me his things if he knew I'm not returning them as I should. He wouldn't believe the "I forgot about it" excuse anyway.

_Maybe I could trade it for a hoodie?_

I laughed_. What an image that would be. Me giving his jacket back to him and jack, taking his hoodie off giving it to me in return. All our classmates staring at us not knowing what is happening. Tooth and Merida holding thumbs up from behind Jack's back._

I left home with the jacket draped over the handle of my bag, a folder with finished paintings in one hand, a tumbler with hot coffee in the other and headphones on. With so many things on me I might as well have been a walking flea market.

I put the folder in my locker (surprised it fitted in) and took a last deep breath of the wonderful smell that was coming off the jacket, trying to remember every aspect of it. Then I walked into _Biology 22, _left my bag and coffee at my desk and walked up to Jack. I realized some classmates would stare anyway and I would prefer to give it back somewhere in private, but keeping it longer would be odd.

He was just talking to Hiccup when I handed it over. "Did it serve you well?" Jack asked with _that smile_ on his face.

"Yes." I smiled back. _More than you imagine,_ I thought, recalling the good night's sleep.

Hiccup knitted his brow slightly. There was more behind the frown than just the confusion over me having Jack's jacket - but that was another story for another time. I didn't think about it until good past Biology. At that moment, all I could focus on was Jack's kind expression and the warm scent surrounding him like an invisible halo that was making me lightheaded.

I sleepwalked back to my seat and sipped at the coffee, grinning. _This is going to be a good day, _I decided while keeping my eyes fixed on the silvery tousles.

(One would never think just how hard it is to drink when smiling like crazy. But I was getting frequent practice in it.)

...

Later that day, I was assembling all my work on the walls of the exhibition room. Merida was a little angry with me for leaving her alone at Physics and I felt a bit guilty for skipping class, but I had to arrange the paintings myself. It was my favourite part of the exhibition - all my friends from art courses were there, putting everything on place or sitting on the floor, chatting. The excitement of work done well visible on everyone.

I listed through my folders, put everything I didn't need to the side (mainly spoilt press and sketches) and shuffled around the room looking for a hammer and nails.

"IS THAT JACK?"

I jerked my head up. My friend, who is also at the same school as me and Jack, held up two papers covered in sketches. There were more laying on the floor in front of her.

"No! I mean, _yes_. It is him." I went to her and collected the rest of the sketches so that she couldn't take a closer look.

"Wow, girl, you gotta put them up!" She elbowed me playfully.

"So that I would look like some sort of obsessive creep? No thank you."

She chuckled. "From what you've told me, everyone already knows you draw him like crazy."

"But he doesn't have to know." _Not that he doesn't want to take a look at my sketches whenever he sees me doodling anyway._

"Wrong. He should be the first person to know."

"I knooow," I exclaimed in frustration and we laughed.

...

The exhibition was nice. Everyone's hard work paid off really well. Guests created a low hum as they moved around munching on the chocholate cookies I brought. Our art teacher was glowing with pride. I didn't put up any of Jack's portraits, but he liked my work anyway and made sure to praise it to heaven. Then, as we stood in silence in front of my paintings, some of that old closeness tickled my back.


	28. Spring sun

_Tuesday, 14th June_

I've been all about rhubarb this spring. I mean, what's not to love?

A rhubarb crisp with crunchy streusel topping? To die for. Or just chop it, put in the pan with a splash of water and a few tablespoons of brown sugar. Cook until it becomes soft and light brown in colour, spoon into the prettiest bowl on sight and enjoy while it's still warm. Or the Strawberry Rhubarb Pie I brought to school in the morning, still warm? Everyone loved it.

But I'm not here to write about my rhubarb obsession!

I'm here to write about today. And of course, Jack.

"That's no less of an obsession," Merida points out as she looks over my shoulder and reads my writing. I shoot her a glare. She sticks out her tongue at me in return.

_Right._

I skipped class again today, but only because I needed to catch a bus to see my friend's exhibition which I promised to her I wouldn't miss. Actually, no, I promised it to myself. _Now, which bus do I need to take? 486. _Buses that go outside our region always have these crazy numbers. I remembered that Jack and Hiccup, who both take this bus everyday, simply call it "6". I would need to get off of it in Burgess and catch another bus.

_Burgess. It's not often that I visit the town. Why does Jack need to live so far away from - _

"Hey Punz."

I turned around and the next thing I saw was Jack's pale lips smiling at me straight in the face (Jack is obviously taller than me.) His part of class always finishes one hour sooner than mine on Tuesdays.

"How did you manage to escape from Physics?" he asked, probably in expectation of some morally wrong and wicked plan I made in order to get out of school. He did tell me he thought I was crazy, after all.

"I excused myself."

"Pfft."

The 486 bus turned around the corner and began to slow down. "Ah, that's my ride," I said.

"You're going to Burgess with me?" he asked. _To Burgess. With me._ I didn't even start to count the times I wanted to hear this sentence.

I nodded. "Yeah."

We got on the bus. Jack let me go first (how gentleman-like), so I walked farther into the bus in hopes for free seats. I found one double seat at the very back and plonked onto it before anyone else could occupy it. I moved closer to the window so that Jack could sit next to me.

"Excellent choice of seats," Jack said and I could sense a slight playful tease in his voice.

I chuckled. "Well, it was mathematically inevitable."

He laughed. I loved the easy and relaxed atmosphere. I loved that I would have him just for myself for so long. That day, I loved everything.

During the next hour of bus ride, we discussed a lot. Like our summer plans (he was going abroad for a month to visit his relatives, like he did every year. I wanted to go with him. He always told me so much about his travels and it sounded amazing!) Or graduation. Or movies (one of our favourite topics. We both suggested we should go to the cinema to see some.) Or theatres (we were just going to one the following day! And it was one of the more representative ones. I hoped Jack would wear his navy blue suit.)

When we got off the bus in Burgess, he offered to walk me to the next station (I wouldn't find it on my own anyway) and when we found out the bus wasn't going for another twenty minutes, he waited with me.

The late spring sun tickled our cheeks, soft breeze played with our hair and we were warm at heart. There were no people walking the streets, no children playing in the gardens. There was no sign that the time was passing. I didn't think of time at all.

"So, where are you going, if I may know?" Jask asked with a hint of poetry in that _if I may know._

_Of course you may. I would probably tell you anything, if you asked._ "To my friend's exhibition opening, I'd like to surprise her. Why is there such a problem with surprises, though? They hardly ever work out. Like that one time I wanted to visit Merida and ended up waiting in front of her house for one hour. It was freezing. She wasn't at home."

He didn't laugh, he just contemplatively replied: "Well, you managed to surprise me."

I shot a glance at him.

"When you came to dance lesson with Tooth, that was a nice surprise."

I smiled. "Yeah." _It was a nice evening._

He didn't mention the lesson that was after this one and it left my own mind as quickly as it came. But I remembered what he told me that evening when I told him I thought I forgot all the steps.

_If I led you? You'd know how to dance every single dance, I think._ And then he hugged me.

I hid the memories away and told Jack my brief history of surprises gone wrong. He laughed at the stories with that beautiful sincere ring to it.

"By the way, I loved the pie you brought today."

"Oh thank you! I'm actually planning to bake cherry pie this summer, too. I don't know where I'll get the cherries, though. Maybe I could get them from my relatives? They have a cherry tree." I was rambling, but I didn't think about it and he didn't seem to mind.

"Or you can get cherries from us. We have a tree."

"You do?" _Do you think I could google "houses with a cherry tree in Burgess"?_

"Yeah. I'm sure mum wouldn't mind giving you some."

"That would be nice."

We fell silent for a moment. I inhaled the fresh mountain air and observed the view - I could see my tiny house on the horizon. I wondered why we had to live so far apart again.

Jack sighed. "I don't want to go home."

"Then come with me," I offered.

"I can't. Too much schoolwork."

"So you will let the lady go alone, huh?" I gestured overdramatically so that he knew I wasn't trying to push him or anything.

But he played along. "You're trying to play the emotion card, aren't you?"

"Was worth the try."

We both laughed. The bus appeared from around the corner and I felt like talking Jack into coming with me, but I knew it wouldn't be fair. So I just stood up, thanked him for waiting with me and wished him good luck with schoolwork with a slight tease in voice.

Jack made an annoyed frown, rolled his eyes and then smirked in a typical Jack Frost fashion. "Bye Punz. See you tomorrow. Enjoy the exhibition!"

I got on the bus, he waved at me and left the bus stop. I ran to the back of the bus to watch him walk home and when he got off my sight, I slid down on the seat and looked outside the window. Though I was too absent-minded to pay attention to the countryside running by.


End file.
